I stood-up today, looked down at the floor, and saw my feet. My size 13 quad-E’s were right down there at the ends – one each – of my legs (which I could also see, but I didn’t want to brag about it).
You may be asking yourself, “Why in the world is this such an important event?” I mean, you can probably see your feet too, right? Well, a few short weeks ago, I couldn’t. Not without some sort of reflective device (like a shoe store mirror) on the floor in front of me. Stop laughing!
It’s true. I was indeed round and anything below “the equator” (as it were) was definitely out of sight and out of mind. Heck, Christopher Columbus wouldn’t have even had to take the ship out of dry dock with me around to prove his point:
“Round? You bet! Just look at this…”
But now I have lost – at last count – fourteen pounds. It may be more than that, but I have not been near an interstate weigh station in a few days. My rings keep falling off though – that’s a good sign.
As I continue to melt, I feel stronger. I feel better. I feel younger. Okay, I know, I’m really pushing it now. It’s true though, even if I won’t run a 5-K any time soon. Just know I’m running it in my brain as we speak. Tomorrow: hurdles!
Actually, tomorrow I get to relive the events of May 16th (see my post “Sacred Heart” for more details) all over again. Except I’ll be doing it all without having a heart attack this time around. Thank God for that! But as far as the heart surgery goes, it’ll be a complete rerun. At least that’s what the Cardiologist told me.
He said, “Are you ready for a repeat performance?” Uh… no! Do I have to?
The worst part of it will be lying around the hospital recovering afterwards. In May I had to lie on my back, stiff as a board, for nine hours. This was because I had to wait for my pressure to drop and my blood to clot. That way they could remove the catheter from my thigh without all of my blood leaking out. I guess that wouldn’t have been such a good thing?
That’s another fun story in and of itself…
My overnight nurse was very easy on the eyes. Honestly, she was quite stunning. In fact, all of my nurses were good motivation to really take my time healing, if you catch the way I’ve drifted? I had to text message my best friend up in Chicago to gloat, because when he had back surgery a few years ago, he was treated to a nursing staff that resembled the offensive line of the Washington Redskins. Not that there’s anything wrong with that!
But I was really enjoying the whole fawning over the old guy thing until she came into my room to inform me that she would be the one removing the catheter (from my groin area) and that she’d have to put her entire body weight on top of me – on top of the wound – for at least a full thirty minutes.
She said, “I have to make sure the wound clots properly, so I’ll be pushing as hard as I can against you to…” Sorry, I lost track about there.
Say you have to do what? Are you even gonna buy me dinner first?
You know, there have been times in my life when all that she said would have been really great news to me. This wasn’t one of those times.
She did exactly what she said she was going to do. I hated every millisecond of that thirty-hours, uh… I mean, minutes. And can I just move-on with my life please!
Not yet…
So, here I go again! Back into the hospital. Back to the operating room. And yes, another catheter. Ah… So many nurses, so little time. Okay. Give me a break! I was on a lot of morphine at the time.
I have had a lot of time to think about… stuff… since my first heart surgery twenty-seven days ago. Stuff like friends, family, my church family, my work family, my students, and all that has happened to me not only since the heart attack, not just since November of 2007 when I became a New Creation, but my whole life. I have been able to see God’s love shining through it all. I have been blessed all along the way – even if I never knew it at any given moment – I know it now.
A lot of folks dwell on the negatives of life, but that route is so defeating. God doesn’t promise a smooth ride, or a safe journey. To expect it is a let-down. He also doesn’t cause tragedy, illness, failure, or natural disaster. So many preach it, but that thinking isn’t supported by the Word. Bad things happen to good people. God happens to us all!
We all face the impossible. We are all challenged in our lives. There’s no way around it. But God does promise a safe landing. He promises something else – to be there with us every step of the way. He is here and I am here to tell you all that He won’t let you go through it alone. He just won’t!
So, on that note, no matter what goes-down tomorrow in the operating room, I will
My band Strings of Faith played last Sunday. Fun, fun fun!
carry-on as a New Creation and a witness for the Lord, that He is good, all the time. He is with us all the time. And He will be with me from the surgeon’s first cut, until my new overnight nurse is clotting the catheter incision Tuesday night. I pray she isn’t an offensive tackle. Not that there’s anything wrong with that!
I know I’ll be thinking of my blessed new life and how much it has meant for me to be a part of God’s plan. He is the vine; we are the branches. And I am so grateful.
I’m also grateful for being able to see anew. My feet are not the only things I have seen for the first time lately. Like fumbling around in the dark looking for the car keys, it’s so much easier when you turn on a light. Only in this case, God’s light shines on the world and allows for a whole new point of view.
See you in a few days!
Love, Bob.
There’s another world inside of me
That you may never see
There are secrets in this life
That I can’t hide
Somewhere in this darkness
There’s a light that I can’t find
Maybe it’s too far away
Or maybe I’m just blind
When your education X-Ray
Cannot see under my skin
I won’t tell you a damn thing
That I could not tell my friends
Roaming through this darkness
I’m alive but I’m alone
Part of me is fighting this
But part of me is gone
So hold me when I’m here
Right me when I’m wrong
Hold me when I’m scared
And love me when I’m gone
Everything I am
And everything in me
Wants to be the one
You wanted me to be
I’ll never let you down
Even if I could
I’d give up everything
If only for your good
So hold me when I’m here
Right me when I’m wrong
You can hold me when I’m scared…
So love me when I’m gone
Under a Glass Moon 