Sacred Heart

Today the grass was a little more green; the sky seemed a little more blue; the air felt a little more life-giving. I stepped out of my door to greet the day and felt so alive that I couldn’t help a smile on my face. I looked up to Heaven and said “thank you” to the God who made this and every day for me the last fifty-one years.

I had been released from the cardiac center a survivor only twenty hours before.

I survived a major heart attack.

I collapsed at work, took a ride in an ambulance that I thought would be my last, tasted the artificial sweet of nitro under my tongue three times on the way to the ER, wondered how near death was, knew that it wasn’t far, saw the EKG scratching my erratic heart rhythms on the scroll of paper in front of me, heard the hospital calling to “give him another dose” of nitro, could see the hospital just one block away through the window of the ambulance, wondered if I’d make it there alive, saw the driver open the door, rode a bumpy gurney ride out of the daylight and into the blinding florescent lamplight inside, had my clothes and shoes and jewelry ripped from my body, lay naked and helpless while four people pulled me off of the stretcher and onto a table, felt pokes and pricks and prods as the trauma team prepped me for heart surgery, felt sticky cold heart monitor leads attached to my skin.

I was whisked away towards the operating room, saw my Mom and Dad in the hall, thought I’d never see them again, watched the robotic x-ray camera hovering above my rib cage project images of the inside of my heart onto three giant flat screen TV monitors, thought that was pretty cool, heard the Cardiologist crack a joke to his assistants during what seemed to be a delicate moment with my life in his hands, wondered if he was really taking this seriously, cracked a joke back that surprised the team working on me (they thought I was asleep), felt the surgeon’s instrument follow a narrow path through a catheter in my leg all the way to my chest cavity and into my heart (“No. Just processing what you said.” I replied.), marveled that I was awake and watching/feeling the skilled hands and technology at work inside my body (they all laughed), prayed that I would be okay, hoped to see another day, heard the words “it went very well” through my worry, thought about Jesus and what I’d say when I got to meet Him, spent the next thirty hours recovering in the ICU, and then moved to a private room where my every breath was monitored as if it were my last.

Fortunately, none were my last and I was presented back into the world as one who had just dueled with death – and won – this time.

So this new day, today, may seem more beautiful than all the other 18,615 days that went before, but that is how I see it. And that’s how it is for me now.

When my boss came to visit me in the ICU, all the nurses were telling her what a “cool guy” I am. Not that I’d disagree with that sentiment ; ) But they were amazed at my positive get up and go attitude so soon after a major heart attack.

Heck, to be honest with you, I was pretty happy to still be above ground. It didn’t look too good on the ambulance ride over, that’s for sure.

They told me later that typically folks get really depressed after a major life-threatening event like a heart attack. I can understand that.

It’s just the opposite for me during times of great despair. At least it’s different for me now than it was before I was born again. But I had to learn how to trust God. It wasn’t always like that for me and I do understand the other point of view in an intimate way.

When I lost my job four years ago I came unglued at first. But God was right there beside me saying, “This won’t be easy, but I’m with you all the way.” He never abandoned me and He gave me the strength to accomplish what I never could have accomplished by myself.

I have had a few “wake-up calls” since then. This new challenge is just another mile marker on the road to God’s Glory. I actually felt much better emotionally in the days after my heart attack, than I did the day before. It’s a miracle, I know.

Miracles are to be expected!

I have God and all of His angels (the people who wrote, called, visited, cooked, and prayed for me) to thank for my positive attitude. Because they were with me, I was able to see God working in my life. His presence was all around me. And through Him, all things are possible – yes, even miracles.

I have gone through many changes since I became a New Creation. I have been challenged. All of this has been good for me. It has taken me away from the darkness of sinful behavior and put me onto God’s lighted path. The tragedies and hardships and afflictions have without exception been part of the journey to a better place. I have grown for all of it. Each experience with adversity, whether it was a job loss, death of a loved one, an unhealthy relationship, illness, or bad behavior, has helped me to understand that we do not please God when we ignore (or try to justify) our sins. He is pleased when we acknowledge them, when we turn away from them, when we repent. I have been so blessed and it is because I have done the 180.

God says that our bodies are a temple. I have let my temple run-down, become sick, unhealthy, out of shape, and therefore not God pleasing. There’s much to be learned from this experience for me. Like I have chosen to be a better steward with money (and God has certainly rewarded me in many ways for that life change), so too must I become a better keeper of the one life and one body that God has given me.

I don’t know how I’ll do it yet? Yes I do! I will pray.

Prayer has helped me before. It helped me build a new career out of the ashes of my former life. It comforted me in hard times and in lonely times and in times of great fear and anxiety. It helped me overcome the adversary’s hold. Prayer has been the calm in the storm; it has led me to finally do the right thing, when all my life I have been so bad at that. And it will help me rebuild my temple – stronger, healthier, and even more committed to God’s purpose for me.

I have always been a tough customer – one who will not go down without a fight. The heart attack may have knocked me down, but it won’t keep me down. I am determined to get back up. Heck, I was doing laps around the nurses’ station twenty-four hours after my surgery.

I’m confident that all of my brothers and sisters in Christ will stand with me shoulder-to-shoulder to greet every new day with the joy that Jesus Christ has put in all of our hearts.

He’ll put it in your heart too – if you let Him.

To God be the Glory!

“The old ones speak of winter
The young ones praise the sun
And time just slips away

Running into nowhere
Turning like a wheel
And a year becomes a day

Whenever we dream
That’s when we fly
So here is a dream
For just you and I

We’ll find the Sacred Heart
Somewhere bleeding in the night
Look for the light
And find the Sacred Heart…

Oh, sometimes you never fall
And ah – You’re the lucky one
But oh – Sometimes you want it all
You’ve got to reach for the sun

And find the Sacred Heart
Somewhere bleeding in the night
Oh look to the light…

You fight to kill the dragon
And bargain with the beast
And sail into a sight

You’ll run along the rainbow
And never leave the ground
And still you don’t know why

Whenever you dream
You’re holding the key
I opens the door
To let you be free

And find the Sacred Heart
Somewhere bleeding in the night
Run for the light
And you’ll find the Sacred Heart”

Ronnie James Dio

______________________________

The Sacred Heart (also known as Most Sacred Heart of Jesus) is one of the most famous religious devotions to Jesus’ physical heart as the representation of his divine love for humanity.

Heavenly Pearls

God moves on our lives and it isn’t always comfortable; it isn’t always the way we imagined it to be. Any thoughts about scolding Him for the rocky road, or whining about a dramatic turn of events, might as well be saved, because He won’t have anything to do with it. He is “The Creator” after all, so He will create. That means movement, change, and discipline!

He is our Heavenly Father and not a travel agent, genie in a bottle, or magician to conjure all good things at our beck-and-call, with a happy ending tacked-on for good measure. He will mold, shape, renew, and craft, but a personal valet He is not.

God doesn’t guarantee a pleasant journey. In fact, for many of His children, the road is long and cluttered with potholes.

He intends to test us.

I was listening to Christian radio and caught the tail end of a guy talking about this very subject. His son, who was in his late teens at the time the story took place, was frustrated with God after going through a rough spot in his young life. Angrily he questioned “why, if God is so loving, does He let people go through so much pain and suffering?” He saw no truth to scriptures that claim everything works for the good of God.

Everything?

Dad went into a dresser drawer and pulled out an oyster shell that he had been keeping as a souvenir. When he had found the oyster, it contained a pearl. In the story, the shell, preserved with a clear lacquer finish, revealed a great deal about the process of making the pearl.

Dad explained that pearls don’t just happen. There’s no magic involved with making a pearl. In fact, the opposite is true. A pearl begins as a grain of sand that gets lodged inside of an oyster. The oyster’s defenses do everything nature allows in order to reject the foreign matter, which includes secreting some sort of mucus that actually coats and transforms that grain of sand, over time, into a beautiful pearl.

The process of making a pearl is uncomfortable for an oyster – very uncomfortable. And it certainly takes much time and effort.

Isn’t life like that for us?

I, for one, find life very uncomfortable and complicated, unless I am in the presence of God. In fact, often times I can feel God’s presence because of the difficulties.

I heard the pearl story two more times within just a few days of that radio show, once during a sermon delivered by one of the Pastors at my church. Another on a TV show – and I almost never watch TV.

Do you think God was trying to tell me something?

My dog Spike developed fast-moving pancreas cancer and went into liver failure a week ago. My surprise was only eclipsed by the sorrow of the terrible news. I took a pet that I thought had a simple virus to a doctor who told me a half-hour later that my dear friend Spike was going to die.

Through the tears I felt something come over me like a flow of warm water to calm, comfort, and wash-away the pain. It was Jesus who wrapped His arms around me; He came to me in a time of great sorrow and I felt His presence. He took me to green pastures and led me by still waters right through the valley of the shadow of death. He gave me peace.

As I gently whispered my last goodbye into Spike’s ear, I felt his life end in my arms and I was broken, beaten, devastated, that I had lost such a good friend so suddenly, so unexpectedly…

But I know that this terrible experience is part of life. Losing a pet is a very sad thing, but losing a loved one, a family member, a friend, is harder still. I have witnessed death a lot in my life. We all have! It never gets any easier. In saying goodbye to Spike, I remembered that this month marks the 30th anniversary of the death of my best childhood friend, John Simon. John took his own life at the age of 19, on my 21st Birthday. And in February I will mourn the second anniversary of the passing of another dear friend of mine, John Rae, who died due to complications from pneumonia in 2010. The list goes on-and-on.

Pearls.

As we move through life, if we listen to God, we can be transformed from grains of sand into beautiful Heavenly Pearls. It’s God’s plan. It’s not always pleasant. And we’ll struggle against it with all our might sometimes, until we realize (hopefully) that The Creator is at work in our lives again. And it will be beautiful; it will be forever.

Goodbye My Friend!

That’s what I think anyway.

Spike is gone and I still cry every time something reminds me of his sweet, sweet smile on my life. He was my angel, after all. And I know you’d laugh if you knew that I burst into tears tonight, fifteen minutes ago, a full week after Spike’s death, when I saw a tumbleweed of his fur roll-out from under my bed.

And I thank God he touched my life.

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to You
And You raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can’t find You

But as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
“I’m with you”
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth

And I’ll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I’ve cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

– Casting Crowns